One Month Ago

Was my last post.

Has anything changed? Not really.

I am still riding the three-four pound roller coaster and I am still going back and forth between being in control and out of control.

So, last weekend we went out to dinner w/ some friends. We went to this upscale bbq joint called "Blue Smoke" in midtown. I thought I'd do the right thing and order the chicken. I thought - I'd peel the skin off. It came w/ a side of mashed potatoes. 1 cup 4 points, not too bad.

I didn't realize that I would be getting an entire half a chicken! And then to boot, b/c I'd already had a couple of cocktails, I ended up eating the entire portion, PLUS spitting a side of mac n cheese w/ my friend!! Yikety yikes!

Well, I could've recovered from that - but - Sunday we went to a communion party where I totally just went overboard and stu-huffed myself at the buffet. Like, Thanksgiving stuffed.

Well, when I stepped on the scale at 2.4 heaver, I cannot say I was surprised!

But that was Tuesday. As of Wednesday, I have been completely on track. I have journaled EVERYTHING and I have really tried to avoid the snacky snack and junk that I tend to pick at when I am out of focus. For example, when I'm not strict I tend to take advantage of the BLT's and I know that can totally add up to several hundred calories in a week. So, I have been trying to be super good about those. We had a faculty breakfast Thursday and I had only half a bagel with WW cream cheese that I brough w/ me (breadcrumb), and then I ate some FF yogurt that I brought with me. By the time I was done w/ those and my coffee I was actually really really full. So I didn't go for the sweet treats. Yay me!

Oh, so back to my breadcrumb. So let me first explain the concept of the breadcrumb. My sister and her b-friend came up w/ this and I like it, so I stole it. Basically when in the middle of a conversation, something that the other person says reminds you of something else unrelated. You don't want to interrupt the story with your whole story, so you say "breadcrumb" and that reminds you both to go back to that point (much like hansel and gretel left bread crumbs to go back home) and then you can tell your story.

So, every month we have a faculty breakfast. And every month I bring a little single serving of Weight Watchers cream cheese. It's low fat, and I know the exact portion. This one woman (who always has a comment about how I eat anyway) says to me EVERY month, "You brought your own cream cheese?!?!?!" Like it's the most bizzare thing she ever saw. I don't get it, b/c this woman seems to be unually obsessed with what I eat and how I eat anyway. A couple of months ago, I walked into the fac. room where her grade level was eating brownies. I was talking to another woman, when she said, "Do you want a brownie?" I said, "Oh, no thanks, I'm good." She then turned to someone else and said, "I told you she wouldn't eat one." Like, why is she talking to other people about what I will and won't eat?

It was really weird. Not that I needed to justify my choice, but I knew that the girls in MY lunch period were also bringing brownies and that I would be having one later. So why would I eat two in one day? But like I said, I shouldn't even have to justify myself.

I know it's not just me either. I know from reading bulletin boards on WeightWatchers.com and TheFIRM.com, that these things happen to other people too. I think it's really just that people are jealous of my success and they are somehow trying to make themselves feel better about their bodies.

I dunno. All I know is that I am NOT a skinny girl. I am a fat girl who present lives in a skinny girls body. But my mind, and my habits and my instinctual behaviors when it comes to food, make me a fat girl on the inside. And I have to work hard to keep her in there. Like Monica said on Friends when she wanted to go out w/ Chip from HS - "The Fat Girl inside me really wants to do this. I owe it to her. I never let her eat!!" LOL.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. After I am finished watching fabulous pricing games, I am going to work out - it's Total Body Time Crunch today. I like that one. I like the cardio parts, and I think that the music/cueing is good in that one. Tomorrow is a rest day and then I am still following the specialty rotaion on the firm's website for this month, so I know that I have plans for Sun., Mon., and Tues.

As for food this memorial day weekend, I am not too worried. I have no official plans - no parties or bbq's to go to. I have a feeling I'll be pretty much in control all weekend. So, like I said, I'm not too worried. As for lunch today, I have a 1/4 lb. of shrimp that I think I will put into a low fat quesadilla. Weird sounding, I know, but I've had it at the mexican restaurant and it's really good. I have a couple of small tortillas and some weight watchers cheddar cheese. I tink that all together it works out to about 6 points. I have to figure that out though.

So that is it. I am feeling good these days about what I'm doing and I am hopeful that I'll be able to keep it up over the holiday weekend. I will try to check in more on my blog here. It does help me to keep on track. Enjoy your memorial day! I know I will!